It's one thing to share your artistic creation to the world, but it's another to share your very own personal truth. It opens up a can of worms that scares you at first, but with a little soul searching, understanding, acceptance and courage, you evolve and learn to embrace your truth.
I think it's worth sharing for those who do not understand where my art comes from, or for those who may need a little bit of wisdom and inspiration, and for those who care to hear my story.
Growing up as an only artist in a family of academes was a bit lonely and scary. As a child, I frequently created but I never got the emotional encouragement, feedback or guidance that I needed so I always questioned my self-worth as an artist. My parents financially supported my decision to take Fine Arts because they knew that's what I wanted and for that I am truly grateful.
I majored in Painting but in my first year I've heard so many concerns and opinions that there is no money in this field.
The truth is, as an art student, I kept comparing myself to others. I brilliantly copied any art I desired but I was so blocked in terms of my own unique creation. It was difficult for me to create an original work while I worked side by side amongst young, highly talented artists.
Subconsciously, I justified the idea that if I'm not good enough, then there's definitely no money for me in this field. I gave up Painting and majored in Advertising Arts instead, thinking it will open more doors for me when I graduate. Unfortunately, I never gained the self-esteem that would boost me up after college. Slowly, I gave up on my art, never touching a pencil or paint to create.
Life came about and I moved on to do other things with the belief that I am not artistic or gifted enough. Twenty-two years later, I had an encounter with a friend who happens to be a palm reader. She opened my palms and stared at it for a while. Her exact words were "You are so creative, why are you stifling your gift?" It was a rude awakening for me! An "OMG! moment" as I have seriously forgotten that side of me. What have I done? I do have a gift!
I started painting again as if it was my first time ever. Art school didn't really mattered as I had to find myself in a deeper sense - what inspires me, what is my unique style, what are my preference in terms of materials, or what color or texture to use, what emotions I feel as I do my art…There's so much to learn all over again. I just got dirty and experimented without judgment or comparisons.
The most profound experience for me as an artist is when I realized how much emotions I evoke when I paint my dreams, visions and experiences.
Art is the language of my soul, and it was only then that I discovered it. It was the soul searching where I found myself in the zone that eventually opened the creative juices in me. This is where my original art started to come about, and to my surprise, it was effortless.
Now I understand clearly the connection between my blocked artistic skills when I felt unworthy versus the free-flowing creativity once I started to look within and believed in myself. It is crystal clear to me that I must believe in myself before anyone else could ever believe in me or my creative work.
Although I appreciate feedback, admiration and support from people, I no longer look for validation from others to prove my worthiness. I paint because I feel the need to express my soul. People may like it or not, and it's okay. What's important is I know now who I am.
Life goes on and I will keep evolving, only this time as I share my gifts, I embrace my past, I savor the moment and I have faith in my future.
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